insolence.

A crushing weight upon my soul is my insolence. An inner, yet cruel desire for more attention, attention i am under the illusion of entitlement to. A weight that tangles my heart, yet never truly resolves. A longing for the future still undefined does not help. A sad longing for attention from those i distance myself from, due to inner strife. I know it is my fault, it truly is. I am insolent, yet unable to console myself.

The burden of the journey of self acceptance is a long one, yet the search for others’ acceptance is too. Accepting them completely may be trying, but no less important. Yet, here i am, asking for more than i deserve. My mind fooling its heart into a soft entitlement to love and attention. A deep, instinctive want, yet i simultaneously push them away due to my inner issues. I never want to reach out, but to be reached out to. Acknowledged. Not the one to start things, but more often than not? I am not.

Just a shadow, a quaint and polite shadow. Observed, but not touched. Flickering in the light i so want to stand in, yet i always lead myself into the dark.

• Published July 23, 2022, 19:02
• in The Swamp
• in Vents and or Rants
• is not continuable by others
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