love how theres only one person i feel like i can actually vent to without feeling like im either gonna upset them/make them mad or theyre straight up just not gonna give a shit i dont even know them irl they live in an entirely different country and we have a 6 hour time difference i love forcing myself to just shut up about how i feel cause i dont wanna make people feel bad cause of shit they do that makes me feel like garbage and even if i did talk to them about the stuff they do, i would just feel like the only reason theyre being nice and acting like they care is out of pity so i dont really know what to fucking do anymore other than not talk to anyone unless it is necessary i try so hard to make people feel like i care and that im interested in what theyre saying because i AM interested and then just i feel like whenever i say literally anything about stuff im excited about no one gives a shit until i say something about feeling annoying for talking to them and then suddenly everyone cares and likes to listen to me even though they didnt respond to a single thing i said when i was actually fucking talking about the thing i was excited about then people just move on like nothing happened like, i get that people have better things to do or better things to talk about than whatever im interested in but shit still hurts and its even worse cause i can see that theyve looked at my messages and see that theyre online and no one fucking says anything until im upset kinda bullshit is that i dunno im just fucking pissed off and upset and feel like no one even gives a shit about me no matter how much they say they do