why do i always get my hopes up thinking anything i say will matter to more than just one person. and its not like i dont appreciate him listening. i do. hes the only fucking person that cares anymore. its one of the only things i have left to keep me going. but it still hurts when no one else cares enough to listen to you anymore. people say that they wanna listen or say they wanna hear what i have to say but they never make an effort to prove it. jesus christ ive never tried so hard to not cut before. ive been clean for a while but i just i can barely even hold myself back anymore when shit gets this bad. i keep trying but i dont know why. its not like i really have anyone to impress. im just gonna keep disappointing everyone like always i havent really had the urge to do it on my wrists for a while. its kinda just been on my legs too bad i couldnt find my moms boxcutter after i got home from school. id sure as hell be using it right now if i did