feeling so,, lonely and,, awful on this happy day. i,, just feel so distant from friends. i am so awkward, i don't know what happened. just,, distance these past few,, days, maybe even weeks. maybe it is because i have been a fucking mess. i don't,, understand myself, if i am honest. why i feel like this. i was happier earlier, when i opened presents, but now i feel awful. it has been happening,, for a few days now. i start to feel awful and alone come sundown. i,, love the night, so why do i feel so bad? alone? distant? maybe i,, need to just grow up. to learn that i don't get attention every day.