Ugh.
what is it that is dragging me down? things i already know and understand? why is it so upsetting, still? why am i so sad? what is it?.. Maybe it is that other people are feeling the same way. that is so awful, unbearable. what is her issue? why is her desire, her standard so unachieveable, so out of touch and reach? why is she such an unhalting twat of a bitch who is so caught up in her own ego, she cannot look back and accept us. why is she such an egosentric narcisist? fuck spelling, honestly i am sorry. i cannot care. i have no motivation today, just a hollow feeling. i am sorry if my dyslecix teer-spelling bugs you. i am too lazy to fox it, even though it is only one click away. fuck it, honestly. i cannot even sleep. i just wanna do something, but i am unenspired. i wish i had some sort of salvation from this. some joy, some happiness, but i do not. every one of my friends is gone away, busy, or just not wanting to talk to me. music is bringing me no joy, and i am unable to draw or write anything meaningful. how am i supposed to do this? no, i do not wanna die. i just want this to halt, to stop, to end. i hate this vicious cycle, and i do not like her mocking, condecending attitude. but, what am i? an under-aged, insolent, diffident, utter fucking poltroon snivling in the corner. cowering from her, mine all wizened goddess queen, who has the authority to ruin my life and make me horribly not well. she taught me nothing of mental health. she mocked my issues when i tried bringing them up. she is,, so insensitive. i am afraid to tell her i am not what she thinks i am, afraid to be honest cause she might mock that too, and i WOULD cry if she did so, since it is an exposing subject of very sensitive nature, like an open wound. she would just poor brine onto it, and tell me to suck it up as she pours more. fuck that so much, i am sorry. just, when i move out, i do not want her in my life. i do not want her bugging me, harassing me for money because i "owe" her. i am se fed up of how manipulative she is, mentally and emotionally. i am just so sick of her ways. she is so mean, and prideful of it. she is not a good person, she is a sucky, no good, ass-backwards morally shit person. she wants the world to die, with self-sympathetic-suicidal undertones. fuck her, i am sorry, she is just so mean, and so draining to be around. i cannot stand ore than five minutes around her. she makes me feel so awful, so awful, so sad. her standards, her voice, and how holier than thou she is. how condecending she is. her way is best, always, right? fuck that. fuck her. i wanna go cry but i am unable, too guarded to trust anyone in my house. too afraid to. i am an utter coward, a horrible excuse of bravery. i am a spit in the face to the very word's meaning. i thought i was getting better, but i haven't. i am still just a sorry excuse. i always will be in her eyes. i will feel so much better when i am away. after all, abuse is only physical, only ever that, right?
- Published May 22, 2020, 17:34
- in Kiddie Pool
- in Vents and or Rants
- is not continuable by others
- 6 Views
- Favourited times
