i am (vent)
i am almost nothing, here at least, i suppose. i do not mean for it to be dramatic, or anything. i am simply nothing but a name on a screen, and some art. sure you have the written replies i often write, or post with similar style. but, no, i am almost nothing, but just something enough, just enough to be noticed. i am too awkward to really even branch out online, in this digital landscape, how amusing is that? i feel hollow. Empty, and sad. yes, this is probably another fit of hormones, i suppose. i feel alone, too. as if i am realizing it all over again. my friends feel distant, busy with life and the grandness of it, its cruelty or other. i do not think i like this break so much. too much time allows me to dwell, and think, and be consumed with what i am doing wrong. consuming myself with this feeling of dread over just how much of a lazy wench i am. hell, i want naught to do anything on this day. i am tired of watching everything, be it Netflix, YouTube, or Amazon Prime. i have no motivation to draw, so here i am, writing this horrendous emotion out for you to see. call it shameful, but i do enjoy this, venting no one one in particular, since all my friends are off and away. enjoying writing out my piteous whining about life, and what it induces, sniveling about how saddening my life is. the worst part is, i genuinely want people to read these. it is so shameful, since i am a coward for not wanting to seek help. a coward too afraid to go outside since her mommy convinced her it is full of meth addicts that wish to sell me away to be used as a copulation doll. tell me this, is life worth living, even feeling so very hollow? i think it is. this will clear up, won't it..? i have so much i want to experience, but this lead weight feels tied to my core. i want to communicate, i want to have fun. Nothing seems to be amusing, nothing seems to rouse me from this sinking feeling of bitter loneliness. oh, how i wallow, sick of music and all that is on the television. tell me, if you have a vision, what lies ahead in this life? are my mother's words going to come true, will i die alone and become nothing new? i am too sensitive, am i not? it has only been a few weeks of this distance. perhaps it was him, his welcoming nature, back again after months, for what feels too short. gone again, and there is nothing i can do but await his return. await the return of my friends. await the return of my joy and motivation to be spun again, and to await a future unlikely to happen. all i want to do, is write, type away online, while listening to a crackling candle. pour my heart out to near strangers. tell me, do you really care about some name on the screen? a near stranger almost none of you have seen, or heard the voice of? i just want this feeling to go away. i wish to say that i am okay, but that is a lie that i wish not to tell. pity me, or laugh at me, whichever you choose to do is fine by me. my flickering flame of hope is fading, my optimism seems to be worn thin. though i wish not to die, i want to sleep well and have a good dream for once. not be tired all day, as i have for the past week, sleeping poorly and eating scantly. a world of pretend is better than this. sincerity is hard to find, though some say they care, it wavers under the burden of truth. if you comment here, reply to this, be sincere and honest, tell not a lie, i beg of you. be honest if you think i am some moaning child who needs to grow up. all i know, is that i simply cannot cheer up. nothing is working, and i am getting drowsy, despite sleeping awhile, and doing almost nothing. i suppose it is time for a Monster Energy Drink, since i do want to sleep at night. farewell, i am happy yet saddened if you read this all, and thank you for your time. have a good day, evening, or afternoon.
- Published March 21, 2020, 14:47
- in Kiddie Pool
- in Vents and or Rants
- is not continuable by others
- 13 Views
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