sitting on a bench, contemplating.
What does it mean to be a good person? what is the true definition? someone who is empathic? Sympathetic? someone whom is outgoing and kind? Someone who follows a holy book? one whom is giving? one whom is simply good natured? What does it mean to fit in? i couldn't answer this, for i have never fit in. i have been excluded from groups, not talked to, and other. Who am i? i am myself, the one of a kind individual with my exact properties. i am emotional, unstable, with a fear of one's own morals and thoughts. one who seems nice, but i seem to be blunt and a bit egocentric, believing in my own idea unless convinced otherwise. cautious not to be too prideful of my knowledge or other because i am afraid i will seem more egocentric. unable to express a lot of things properly. i am socially awkward, growing up in isolation from a lot of my peers. I am one whom draws, and writes, along with dabbling in creating songs. a dork that trips up stairs, and is afraid of her mother. someone who loves birds, and nature's ambiance. One who loves to listen to music, and people talking sometimes. i enjoy attention and compliments, though i am afraid of letting it get to my head. i feel as though my mother's praise is not genuine, it feels hollow and false, as if it really isn't good enough and i cannot comprehend why. one who often lets small comments get under her skin, and watches afar to shyly glance at her crush across the lunchroom, often to shy to talk to the girl because i am not in her friendgroup, though i sometimes exchange a few words with her during club events. a girl who gets flustered at the idea of being in a serious relationship, or by looking at clothing models at stores. one who often shares a lot of oneself to others, because i often do not have a filter. i am so very trusting. i sadly do not feel much attachment to my family's pets, or have strong relationships with any of my family members. i think it is because i am afraid of confessing my sexuality to them, or of all the hurt and guilt i hold for not standing up for my sister. because i am a coward like that. a someone who has a dominant left eye, though is right handed. one who enjoys large glasses and long hair. a girl who bites her nails out of a nasty habit, and spends hours roleplaying as a coping mechanism. who has a birthmark near her left temple, and stands at a rather short height. one who enjoys monster energy drinks a lot, as long as they are fruity. a dork who can tell apples apart by smell shape and colour without their stickers. a girl who loves apples, and birds. goes nuts with febreez air freshener. a girl afraid of leaving home or experiencing sudden change because no such thing has happened so far. a girl afraid of facing her mother, because she is weak against said mother's words, and too cowardly to go to the school counselor despite an effort to will myself to go. a girl careful to boast about grades, because she feels like she is overstepping some boundary. careful to be proud of them because mother seems disappointed when i get lower than an A, sometimes with comments about trying harder. someone who loves taking walks in the forest when she doesn't feel afraid a druggy is gonna assault her, liking the feel of spongy moss under her feet, and the scent of the forest, the sound of the waves and bird song. eating wild raspberries. a girl who strives to have a large vocabulary one day, and a girl who enjoys stargazing. someone stubborn in her beliefs. --(repeated in coments due to length)
- Published January 31, 2020, 13:45
- in Kiddie Pool
- in Vents and or Rants
- is not continuable by others
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