:(
// venting, idk how much but it is one lol Life really fucking sucks right now I dont know what I thought I was doing, signing myself up for honors courses. I thought I could get better gpa, make it look better on my record, i dont fucking know. I never really cared about that shit but I got anxious, so I thought why the hell not. Now everything is uncertain to me. I have no more healthy studying schedule, some days I understand school material perfectly, some days im looking at letters through tears ( like right now lmao. I have projects that are very important but i just cant push myself to do them. Ive made friends this year, which is like- the worst year- the most important one, where im supposed to be studying and stuff. Im glad I at least have them, I dont hang out with them out of school much but having an actual company im not scared of being myself in for the first time in my life, its kind of insane. Anyways back to moping. I have a presentation that is a big factor on if i do or dont pass polish school. The thought of failing polish school is possible and absolutely terrifying. I went to that shitty school for 13 years, failing it would probably just destroy me. I have stupid honors classes, one in which i have ANOTHER project, which i thought I could gain some motivation for, but still have none, the other two honors classes have stupid teachers, not in personality but they just suck at teaching, and they make me so confused. anyways, the funny thing about this vent is that it’ll be absolutely pointless. It doesnt fix anything, and who knows? I might be mentally a-ok by the end of November 5th, or a total wreck. Thats the fun of it, and every single day is slowly becoming more dreading, even worse than I thought. Worse than its ever been. Anyways thanks for coming to my ted talk, probably didnt make much sense since I just wrote whatever came to mind, uhh… if you guys are relating to any of this, i hope it helps knowing youre not on your own with it. Also i wish i didnt vent here, but its kind of my only place I feel comfortable to let things out, since Ive made really good friends here. Ok wtf i need to actually work on my shit okay byee
