is it okay?
is it really okay for me to get so upset over something i cannot change? i don't know. i just know that i am really upset over my mother.
repeating the same things over and again after that are not helping, but it is all i can do. i am too weak to try and get myself help at the moment, too afraid of the consequence of such an action.
upset that i am so afraid to talk about what happens out loud. am i a coward? Yes. Yes i am. i have all the oportunity to go up to a teacher before school, or during lunch, but i am too afraid to. too afraid of change and what they would say. too afraid for my mother to be right, or even myself.
mine heart hurts, and i almost cried for the first few classes of the days because i couldn't stop feeling the sheer sorrow, dread, and fear of actually speaking out. confessing what lies behind closed doors, and how i live.
'Cause other have it so much worse than me, but tis no good excuse, what dost thou thinketh? methinks bad is subjective, though i am still unsure. cower as the diffident fool i am, in the chains of my own hell, being burned slowly and just now realizing its pain. dramatic, yes. tis simply how i feel. Art thou braver than mine cowardice? Most likely. Take my mistake and grow from it, do not lie and learn what it is like to be beaten down mentally. i believe that is what it is. obedience from fear, or sheer ignorance to other methods do to such a tight binding to all i see. not allowed to wonder far, mother must know where i am always.
i must meet the standards.
- Published January 27, 2020, 17:12
- in Kiddie Pool
- in Vents and or Rants
- is not continuable by others
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