-. . .

Self control? i like to tell myself i have that. i like to tell myself i can earnestly control myself. but, in all sincerity, i do not think i can. all i know is that i can internalize, and keep them secret under lock and key. refuse to admit it, eve though i want to. i want to come out of the closet, yet i am too afraid to. i do not want want to admit i am a lesbian, because i think i will be wrong, and eventually crush on a boy in /that/ way.

too afraid to say it out loud, really, it is almost a cursed L word.

along with being too afraid to speak out or be truly honest about how i feel emotionally at home. to proper adults like teachers or a counselor. definitely not my mom, since talking to her is like talking to a wall.

i apologize too much, too.

i have been told to be a 'pure soul', too, and i do not quite understand why that is. is it from my sheltering, my upbringing, or my sheer personality? i do not know. tell me if you know why.

• Published February 06, 2020, 17:38
• in Kiddie Pool
• in Vents and or Rants
• is not continuable by others
• 16 Views
• 0 Loves
• Favourited 0 times