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Self control? i like to tell myself i have that. i like to tell myself i can earnestly control myself. but, in all sincerity, i do not think i can. all i know is that i can internalize, and keep them secret under lock and key. refuse to admit it, eve though i want to. i want to come out of the closet, yet i am too afraid to. i do not want want to admit i am a lesbian, because i think i will be wrong, and eventually crush on a boy in /that/ way. too afraid to say it out loud, really, it is almost a cursed L word. along with being too afraid to speak out or be truly honest about how i feel emotionally at home. to proper adults like teachers or a counselor. definitely not my mom, since talking to her is like talking to a wall. i apologize too much, too. i have been told to be a 'pure soul', too, and i do not quite understand why that is. is it from my sheltering, my upbringing, or my sheer personality? i do not know. tell me if you know why.
- Published February 06, 2020, 17:38
- in Kiddie Pool
- in Vents and or Rants
- is not continuable by others
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