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why am i still holding on to stuff that happened forever ago. like shit from 9th grade that pissed me off or made me wanna fucking die??? yeah still makes me feel like that for some god forsaken reason that shit shouldnt matter to me. like i obviously know that people just would rather talk to others than me. i get that. but why cant i fucking get over it. it doesnt matter. people grow away from you. shit happens. but why do i fucking care so much. i shouldnt give a shit why does every tiny little thing just fucking stick in my brain and stay there for all eternity. shit never leaves me alone. its constantly there telling me and reminding me that im fucking hurting and feeling shittier and shittier every fucking day no matter how much i try to stay happy or try to ignore my thoughts it just doesnt fucking leAVE i hate caring about people that you barely matter to anymore it sucks i wish i just didnt fucking feel anything everything would be so much easier if i couldnt feel god i just wanna fucking beat myself into a fucking pulp im so fucking pissed the majority of the time its when im visibly crying and having a breakdown that people start to notice. like they have to know im sad right? they have to in the time ive been around these people i cant even remember the last time someone seriously asked if i was alright. i could probably count on one hand how many times its happened. hell my mom has asked more than them and she doesnt even know how fucking shitty i feel. that compared to the amount of people that do know and dont care to ask is pretty sad and then i post shit like this and the responses i get from like all but one person are a just half-assed "oh im here for you itll get better!!11!! !! 11!!!!1 1!!" from when they randomly decide im worth trying to comfort. like i havent heard that every other time i just need to shut the fuck up and go to bed. im gonna end up hurting someones feelings cause i finally decided to talk about how i fucking feel for once in my damn life after bottling all of it up for so long
- Published January 23, 2020, 23:56
- in Kiddie Pool
- in 7) vents/rants/screaming about shit
- is not continuable by others
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