vent i wrote a few hours ago

 

my mother just gave me a lecture about the adult world. saying that i still have to fulfill my duties even though i am deadass tired, since no one else is gonna be there to fulfill my duties. that no one should tell her what is and is not right, in regards of being exhausted because " a neighbour kept me awake all night", which was not actually the reason i couldn't fall back asleep. i just couldn't, not real sleep. so, i suppose i still have to go to pep band, having woken up at three in the morning, after being kept awake until about ten with my mom fiddling with the alarms on her phone. i do not sleep very deeply, it seems. my sister thought i was asleep, and so do people who are going to wake me up. it is a really good trick i have learned to get people to leave me alone to sleep. no, i was tired to the point where i did not want to move, even when being shaken. and she said it will be good for me to be extra tired. i have at least two tests to do tomorrow. i need to be able to study for them, but i can't in this state. and guess what? my father didn't make a fucking p e e p. WOW my mom just told me that if she went easy on me would be teaching me the wrong mentality, and that i need to learn to run on nothing to survive college. unless i wanna be a deadbeat whiner in a methadone clinic, or someone who needs to REDO an entire class or pay for the lesson i missed. letting me skip it just because i am tired. Redyna, i wanna cry. i just want her to stop talking about drugs. stop talking about how her not being hard on me would make me into an addict because i won't learn how to cope.

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