Yo wtf man dhdh !!∆TW∆!!
EATING DISORDER & OVERDOSE MENTIONS!! plz skip if you're sensitive to topics of restriction and such. Im alright now and just recalling the past i just kinda had a wave of memories hit me from like my worst phases of my ED, and like. Im surprised im even alive and relatively healthy rn besides still waiting for my period to come back since almost a year. Bro, i deprived myself of food to the point where i ate little bits od food from my cat's bowl because it was the only thing i could still convince myself didnt have too many calories. It was the worst when i found artificial sweetener pills in a local shop that didnt have significant calories, and i kept eating them all evening and even bringing some to school and social gatherings to make me feel like i was eating something. And the worst part was i got like literally addicted to the sweetener, ate nothing and just literally shat STRAIGHT LIQUID all the time because the sweetener was a straight up laxative in the quantities i was consuming bcuz i literally would eat whole packs of it instead of food. I remember how i went to a family gathering in a restaurant and of course after eating barely anything for so long, i ate a good amount of food, which looking back wasnt even like a HUGE amount, but went to the bathroom to puke anyways. And i just ended up sitting there shoving fingers in my throat trying to puke as much as possible in like a pretty dress and shit. Fucking hell it was horrible. Man i ate cat food. Shat liquid because od eating packs of sweetener. Puked in public bathrooms at parties. Smoked multiple packs of cigs. Did a lot lot of physical selfharm. And overdosed on 24 opioid pills once, and multiple times on 12 or 18, always washed down with energy drinks,hdhdn all at 16 yrs old And lately i had an ultrasound and apparently my liver is alright and everything. Had blood tests and theyre alright. Holy shit my body is invincible I wonder if this will like hit me in the future still or if i just kinda. Managed to cope with it so well for some reason. Just yeah. Still no period. Which like tbh, kind of banging. I love having no period. Gender dysphoria is like 40% less atm. But its still kinda like not what's supposed to be going on tho dhdj Its kinda understandable tho. Im just trying to build and nourish my body back after all that shit. What the fuck were those previous years of my life. What was i on. Holy shit. Anyway??
