rant

i am happy to be me today, for what seems to be the first time in a long time. i believe school must have been a major part in why i was feeling so utterly terrible. Well, okay, family issues are definitely still there, but it was definitely school, and school was fuelling the family issues like gasoline. it was over all, not very good. not good at all.

i believe the main issue was the fact that i stressed so heavily over the completion of my work, and to do it as quickly and we’ll done as possible. my mother especially enforced that, by saying if i got even one D or C my electronics would be taken away. she is also constantly,,, quite negative. that is never fun. especially since she says COVID was a good thing for the planet. that we needed a disease to kill people. it is just horrible some of the stuff she says is.

——Edit/continuation

i can also find catharsis in writing this down, even if i have done so before. however, i have also started to accept myself more, and in a more wholesome way? if that makes sense. accepting my ways of,,, attraction, too. that i have intrusive thoughts that make me very uncomfortable, but not to fully shut them out. to be calm, and just…enjoy some of the thoughts that come by. not constantly trying to scrub my teenage brain clean, y’know? it was not all that healthy. but, yes, i will write it in this corner,,, of this post, i am a very much so closeted lesbian. i am,,, imprisexual, as well. and though it is still hard to say, i can say it here. not out loud, yet, but i can still say it here.

and that is what counts.

• Published June 08, 2021, 10:27
• in The Swamp
• in Vents and or Rants
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