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i wish there was someone here with me right now. but theres no one all the people i wanna talk to are most likely asleep, and if they arent, they probably dont give a flying fuck about me right now. theyre off with more important people thats just all ive ever really wanted. someone who's there when i need them. but every time i have a breakdown, i either dont have the courage to open up to them or its happening when theyre asleep or doing some other shit, and by the time they get back to me im over it already i really just want a hug. thats all. hugs feel nice. but they also make me wanna cry sometimes. i never really get hugs unless i say something about needing one or saying i dont get any. it never just happens out of someones own free will. all this shit never really gets brought up. i just kinda play it off like im okay with a stupid joke or something and it never really gets questioned at all i just-- i really dont wanna be here anymore i really, genuinely dont all of this hurts so much. i cant do it everyone keeps saying that suffering through all this shit is worth it in the end but its really hard to believe that. i really dont think its worth it. i dont think anything is worth it in general. everyone dies and is forgotten at some point. why not get a head start?? itd be better that way
- Published March 29, 2019, 02:10
- in Kiddie Pool
- in 7) vents/rants/screaming about shit
- is not continuable by others
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