vent if anybody cares
i've always looked forwards to new years and celebrations of the sort but some years aren't as good as the others. for the past one or two years they've been getting worse and worse, physically and mentally. my depression and anxiety is always rising and my pain is always in a large quantity. i have always wondered how this all started, but in the end i can never even get a grasp on what it could be. for the past two years i've always wished i could go back and fix all my little mistakes and even just stay away from toonator or maybe even art itself. even if the art community is filled with good people, there are also bad ones. i just want to go back and be the innocent cuddly little girl i used to be, even if i was a tad more annoying than i am now, which is saying something. i am very annoying, but anyways. i just want to be a pure little girl again, i don't want to have my stupid hallucinations taunting me anymore, i don't want to walk into my room and think its too girly, i don't want to say "fuck" on accident anymore, i don't want to know anything anymore. i wish i could just not say i wanted to be a THEM, i want to say i haven't been in relationships but i can't do anything about it because there is no such thing as turning back time. everything has gone downhill ever since i have joined toonator. i've started eating less, crying more, and all of the bullshit that i don't want to do. starving myself has become a habit, ever since i've started doing it its just become normal. i don't eat like a normal person anymore, i just don't know how to at this point. to sum it up. life is shitty, i don't want to be here, i don't want to see my hallucinations, cassandra, lana, xavier, or max, everything is going downhill, im starving, and all that shit. the end
- Published February 15, 2019, 17:43
- in Kiddie Pool
- in Vents
- is continuable by others
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