i love how i like almost tried to kill myself a few hours ago and now im just sitting here like god im fucking stupid i made a person i love sad and worried over nothing and ahhhh im a dumbass maybe there'll never be a time for me to go. i dont really know though, there always seems to be a small burst of positivity after i have a huge breakdown like that. it could just be my brain though, all the bad shit comes back afterwards and the cycle continues but for now im okay i guess. i dont really know what i was doing to be honest, there's people i love and want to be around, and even though it may not seem like they care about me i still want them around, even if they dont feel the same. lmao i know as soon as i post this im just gonna start realizing how shitty i feel all over again and im gonna be sad but isnt really any different than real life though. just gotta act like im fine so i dont burden everyone with my problems and make both me and them feel even worse lmao. they have their own stuff to deal with, im just gonna keep to myself for now, try and be alone every now and then. take some time to myself so i can think about stuff. we'll see how it works out and yall if anyone i know in real life sees this, dont take it personally if i sit off to the side, away from everyone at school in the morning. just wanna be by myself for a while, ill probably come back around at lunch. if not, again dont take it personally lmao. i just need a breather