why does the urge to cut always come back so strongly. like i push it off every time but then it comes back stronger and im getting closer and closer to doing it. i have no idea why i want to, it just happens. one of these times im gonna give in and the whole thing is gonna start all over again. i guess i wouldn't really mind though. its nice to feel pain every once in a while, whether its emotional or physical. tells me im still alive