i'm angry with myself. i hate myself. i hate this feeling. i don't want to go to bed feeling like shit. i hurt. everything hurts. i want to die, but i don't. i just want pain i'm really tired. but the bed seems to be painful. i'm not lying down. no way. it might not seem like i'm hurting, but, who said i was? maybe i'm not hurting, maybe i'm way past that. maybe i'm dead.