O h man (vent)

 

Whilst wishing for somebody else to be mine I just remembered my old girlfriend. Not gonna lie I kinda miss her a lot. She kinda showed more love to me than anyone else I know. Even more than the person whomst I'm waiting for as of this moment. She didn't break up with me, mind you, she was that other person who enabled me to feel the full extent of human feelings. She ended up committing suicide and I always blame myself for letting her. I didn't yell at her much for self harming and kinds pushed it to the back of my mind. Although I really want a certain partner right now I really wish she was still alive so she could be with me at least through this w8ing period. I feel like such a horrible partner letting her die like that she didn't deserve it. Even though it's been years I still blame myself for her death. This is also why I'm so adament about protecting my best friend. I know he needs to get hurt and learn stuff but like. I'm so scared I'm going to loose yet another loved one.

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