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I'm not even gonna' say that you're wondering where I've been, because I know that It's not true. I know I've been inactive for the longest time, I know I haven't been posting much of anything lately, It's all going to be clarified (at least, in my eyes) in this message. I don't want to sound like I envy people or I'm jealous, but I can't hold in all my thoughts anymore. I feel like I'm not good enough to be an animator, I feel like I'm too imperfect to be an artist in the first place, but here I am failing everything. The only saving grace of my entire life was my sheer determination to be better, my overwhelming hope and passion for creation. I feel like one in a million for having such a strong heart, pushing forward every day of my life, one step at a time. Only then, I was young, I only had one hope. I could never see myself here in a place like this where I see artists and animators beyond my skills. I look up to those people, every day I feel down, I think of that day when I'll be remembered by someone. The day when I finally get the full credit I've been waiting to get, the fruits of my labors. Years of self-taught art is difficult for the average person, but I know I'm not the only one who's like this. Though I feel alone as if nobody is here to support me for every step to the next. I know I sound like an ungrateful idiot, I feel like I'm asking for attention, craving it. I don't wanna' beg for it, but I feel like my art goes unnoticed every time I post any of my works. Every piece of mine overlooked as everybody races over to the more popular, and successful creators. They love their work more than I could ever get in my entire life. I feel like I'm not good enough to be here, but here I am. Still here making things to try and push my limits to grow as not just an artist but as a person. I love all my supporters, and I would die to make all of you happy. I like making people happy, much less even at the bare minimum notice me at all. Every day a little bit of my hope slips away. There's always that fighting part of my mind that pushes me to do better, the smallest voice out of all the others, screaming in my face. Hope is only so small because I thought to have hope made you childish, too "young" to be an artist, especially to post it on the intoxicating web, I listened to the voices in my head, I gave in. I just want the screaming and demands to stop, I want to be a presentable person, able to be fit the social norms so that I can be acceptable to others. I'm too weak to fight those voices, I'm not strong enough to listen to them for any longer. It's hard, but guess who is slowly tearing themselves apart every day just to even make it to school on time. Guess who throws themselves into the midst of a fight to try and help, but just to be ignored instead? What I'm trying to say is that I feel like I'm not getting enough credit for my work, I put in hours to days worths of work just to be pushed aside by somebody much better and more popular than I'll ever be. I hope you all understand this internal struggle I go through every day. I'm not trying to guilt-trip, seek attention, I'm just here to vent to you about my struggles. I love all of you, you're all such lovely people. Thank you for reading this long rant.
- Published September 03, 2019, 19:24
- in Kiddie Pool
- in Vents
- is not continuable by others
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