its not my fucking fault. i cant control it. i know it shouldnt hurt that bad. i fucking KNOW. i just get fucking blamed for everything that happens to me, dont i? well guess what. its not like im TRYING to make it hurt. it just does. so stop making me feel like everything gets blamed on my dumbass. i feel so fucking guilty about everything that i vent about because most of the time, everything people say to try and make me feel better just makes it seem like its my fault im such a god damn mess. news flash, it isnt. feelings arent a thing you can help. it just happens. all the blame and gulit is getting to me and im not gonna last that much longer. everythings just been getting worse, no matter how hard people try to make it better. im sorry. i just make everyone feel like shit and like their efforts arent worth it. it means so much to me that people care enough to try and fix me, but it just never fucking works. i feel so bad about all this. i dont have anyone to take it out on other than myself, so thats just what i keep doing. nothing i try to do helps any of this. it fucking sucks. i dont wanna do it anymore. i really dont. i CANT do it anymore. everythings gone to shit. i dont wanna deal with all the crushing guilt i go through all day knowing how much pain ive caused everyone. god i suck