just gonna vent real quick--
i hate the fact that im to the point where everything is so bad that it physically hurts me. my heart starts beating so hard i feel like its gonna blow up, my breathing quickens, and my chest tightens up to the point where i cant breathe. everything hurts so bad and nobody cares enough to try and help me through it. i wish someone did it probably doesnt really help that i cant sleep. i stay up all night worrying about my friends and about what the hell im gonna do with my life. i dont know what im doing anymore i just wanna get to the point in my life where i dont have to fake a smile all day to make it seem like im at least somewhat okay, only to get home and break down and curl up into a ball of anxiety. i really just need someone to cry into. i need to get everything out. to tell someone face to face whats going to so i can finally get this off my chest i dont know if im gonna be able to handle this anymore. i keep trying to say that im gonna fix this, that im not gonna hurt myself anymore and im gonna try and eat more, but everything just keeps getting worse and worse. i need to take it out on something, and i guess that something is me. i hope i just die soon why cant i just be okay for once. its hurts so bad knowing that no one cares about me as much as other people. just like with him. you have friends too. he isnt the only person that exists. i wonder he realizes how shitty it feels to have one of my so-called best friends not even want to willingly be around me. they all just feel obligated to. i wish theyd just tell me that they didnt want me around already. itd make everything so much easier. maybe id finally work up the courage to get rid of myself like i know everyone wants me to the world would be a better place without me
- Published February 19, 2019, 19:57
- in Kiddie Pool
- in 7) vents/rants/screaming about shit
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