S U F F O C A T I N G
y a y I just feel drowned in shit lately, like the fact some creep has a crush on my ex-girlfriend and told me while we were still dating and now she's with him, but I don't really care, it was just weird. I tend to have crushes on people where I really like them, and feel giddy over them and want to be with them all the time, but once we're together I don't care about them anymore. It's like I won my prize and now you're just the silhouette of what I wanted, and now that I got you, you're nothing to me. I hate that feeling so much. I like someone now, and I feel myself smiling whenever I hear from them or they post something or they like something of mine, and I wonder, how long am I going to feel this way before he means nothing to me? I hate it so much. My dad is going to court to fight over custody of my brothers who live with their mom in Denmark and she pulled my sixteen-year-old brother out of school and gives him second-grade workbooks to complete and calls it homeschooling. He isn't learning anything and neither of them are healthy with her. She won't let them visit us and she neglects them all the time. They don't know anything about me, and I just want to be their brother again, even if they just remember me as their little sister. Hardly anyone calls me he/him and I'm getting rumored about in school which is g r e a t. People want to know my business "am I gay," "am I really a boy or a girl?" "What's in your pants?" Like that's a determining factor or any of your business. I just want to crawl into myself and burrow a hole there and die, but I can't. I can't focus in school and I hate talking to my friends when I see them. I just want to listen to music and drown out the world but that's not possible either. I hate the way I look and how I'm so feminine. I hate my nose, my breasts, my stomach. I hate my social skills, my attitude, my depression. I wish I could just escape reality but I can't. I can't do anything for anyone and it hurts. Sorry for ranting, I just needed to get that out of my system.
- Published January 06, 2019, 16:11
- in Kiddie Pool
- in album Featured
- is not continuable by others
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