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i told myself i was gonna try and fix everything. that i was gonna try and do something about all this, but im not strong enough to keep going without giving up. i never will be. im just a worthless pile of uselessness that nobody wants or cares about. i wish that literally anyone cared enough to ask me face-to-face if im okay. its always through a screen. its easy to lie when youre hiding behind something. they dont really care, they just feel obligated to say something because they somehow got sucked into being friends with my worthless ass. in that case, im sorry. im really fucking sorry that they have to deal with me and all my stupid problems. i just cant bring myself to break it off with anyone. it feels nice to have people say they care for once, even if its fake i wonder if anyone even notices how much it hurts i have to live with people who wont stop fighting every day, nobody who willingly wants to talk to me, and no one who actually cares enough to sit me down and genuinely ask if im alright. i should just get it over with. they all want me to, right? who wouldnt? the only time anyone ever seems to care is when im visibly upset. ive been holding all this shit in for such a long time. they all know how i feel, but never ask about it. it hurts so god damn bad. i just want to be fucking happy for once. is that too much to ask for? im such a bad person. i have a relatively normal life, but i still complain. i have good friends, a somewhat okay family, and hell i somehow ended up with a boyfriend who i honestly dont even deserve. i should be happy but i cant help but feel like something's missing, and im pretty sure i know exactly what it is. i want everything to be the way it used to be. i actually felt like i was okay. i had everything i couldve possibly wished for. everythings just been going downhill since then and theres nothing i can do about it. this is the lowest point ive been at in my entire life. ive literally never so close to just ending everything. i really dont now whats stopping me. no one would fuckin care anyways. we're all gonna die out eventually if youre reading this i dont really know why youre here cause no one should really care but sorry you just had to listen to me rant about all my issues that i shouldnt even be worried about
- Published February 18, 2019, 15:58
- in Kiddie Pool
- in 7) vents/rants/screaming about shit
- is not continuable by others
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