stop reading now because this will probably be really fucking bad for your mental health but I need this to come out in some form I can't handle this fucking shit inside anymore. It's in my head, constantly swirling around. I need it to be released. Do not respond. do not comment. do not try to figure out which user i am. this is simply a way to finally fucking release this. do not attack me, please. stop reading now if you have triggers. I hate you, you fucking monster. I was 7, I was 8, I was 10. You were not a child. you were not a friend. you were an adult. two consecutive years. then again for another year. I hate you, Randy. I want you to fucking burn. you changed me in ways i can never change back. i hate that you still control me, you control my dreams, my fears, my energy, my personality. you are not in my life physically anymore, but you are here in every other way. epar ti llac uoy ,epaR. And you will never be fucking forgiven for it.