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I want all of this to end. I want it to go away. I'm trying so hard to stay happy and act like i'm okay but nothing ever works. I keep trying to tell myself that they care but i can help but feel like everything is fake. they keep telling i have to believe i deserve happy, that i deserve to be alive, but its so hard to do that when ive already dug myself into this deep of a hole. i dont understand what the hell i did to deserve all of this bullshit. why did everything have to end up like this. i dont fucking get it. Everyone's just gonna say im doing this shit for attention. but im not. please just believe me. im not okay. nothing is okay. everything is falling apart so quickly its basically over at this point. im so fed up with this. Everyone is just gonna leave me. i can tell already. my friend group is just drifting father and farther apart, and all i can do is just push everyone away. Its like whenever i try to open up or feel brave enough to do it, nobody gives a shit. At all. i really want to talk about it, but i feel like everyones just gonna judge me or walk away like i never said anything. I really honestly dont get all of this. people keep saying they care but i just sit there, visibly upset, they ask if im okay ONCE, and then stop trying when i dont answer. like obviously im not okay, but you dont fucking care. they just just move right along and act like nothing happened. its fucking bullshit. all of it. and i fucking hate it. i just wanna be happy.
- Published March 08, 2019, 16:28
- in Kiddie Pool
- in 7) vents/rants/screaming about shit
- is not continuable by others
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