i hate it
i cant be happy around my gf, my best friends, my family, or even by myself the more im alone the more stressed i get the more im around people the more stressed i get even when im having fun im stressed ppl just piss me off now i cant stay focused, i cant keep my shit together, i cant control my emotions, i cant even trust myself im desperate for love, and idek if the pp ik love me idk if i can trust them or not i crave freetime i have no freetime anymore during the summer i was so bored that i was actually kinda excited for school, but now i wish i never was i want summer back so badly i need a break i need time to myself or to just enjoy myself i thought i was happy talking to my friends all day every day just playing games with them but now im unhealthy asf im skinny asf im more irresponsible than i used to be everythings just getting worse, and i try to tell myself "its not that much to worry about," or "im going to change" "im going to do this and that and im gonna be better because ik if i am better then maybe i can fix my life and fix myself," but no, fuck no no matter how hard i try, i cant seem to fix anything and even then it doesnt seem to really help im always busy or im always bored im unhappy all the time i sit alone in the shower or in my car and claw at my head and scream because im fucking disappointed in myself and i hate everybody around me i hate my life i hate everywhere i go i hate how every situation just seems to make everything worse i hate how even the ppl closest to me cant seem to understand when im FED THE FUCK UP WITH SHIT i hate everything i wish i could change my brain i wish i could change my thought process i wish i could change the way i hide how i feel because im too scared or tired to hear what reaction ppl might give i wish i could be more open and honest about whats going on or what i need or how i feel instead of being a fucking coward i wish i could have my happy calm and relaxing old life and old self back i wish i knew what to do with myself i wish i could just be happy happy like i used to be
