Huge rant
Sorry it’s all just mushed together and sporadic. My dad drinks a lot,he’s an alcoholic but doesn’t want to admit it,he’s never caused me physically harm but the things he says to me hurt. I’ve thought about self harm and suicide before but I never went through with either of them.i hate myself,and it’s just getting worse. Yesterday my twin had a friend over and she asked me to get in our pool,when I got into my bathing suit and looked in the mirror all I could think of was how I hated my body.i want to cut my hair short but my dad keeps telling me he doesn’t want me to have short hair because “girls have long hair” and how I “look beautiful with long hair”.theres so many things I want to say but I never do,and it’s funny because everyone in my family says I don’t have filter between my mouth and my brain but yet I’ve never said any of my depressing thoughts to anyone out loud. I’m about done with telling my family anything about me because each time I’ve ranted to them about people being mean or rude they make me believe I’m the one in the wrong,and each time I’ve told them of my sleeping problems they don’t believe me or they think I’m lying when they have no clue what they’re talking about,and in the future I want to be a vet but they often joke about how they think I won’t be a good vet. My dog who has been with me since I was a baby is most likely gonna die this year and I don’t want it to die.i see things at nights and I think I’m going insane,I’ve just cried so many times and told no one. I think I have atleast some level of depression and anxiety but I don’t want to tell anyone Incase 1)they won’t believe me,2)say I’m lying,and 3)I don’t want to be a burden.i think one of my friends is slightly toxic but I don’t want to quit being friends with them because I don’t have a lot of other friends. I didn’t expect this to be this long,and tbh it actually kinda made me feel better,I didn’t say everything that’s upsetting me,I just said everything that came to my mind.
- Published July 01, 2020, 13:15
- in Kiddie Pool
- in album Featured
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