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i feel so alone even though im surrounded by people. everyone just pities me and that's the only reason they're sticking around. they just feel bad. no one actually cares like they say they do. if they did, then they'd act like it, right? instead of telling me all the shit i wanna hear in person behind a fucking screen?? they keep saying they care about me but everything i try to tell them gets brushed off and thrown to the side like it never happened. i get that people dont know how to help and everything but it hurts so much. i feel like everything they say has no effort behind it whatsoever. and then whenever they try to help it always seems like they play the victim and put the blame on me. i know they're not trying to but i already feel guilty enough for making them deal with all my irrational bullshit every day. if anything, it just makes me feel worse, which just adds to the guilt even more because i know they're wasting their time trying to fix me when they could be spending their time with people who actually matter to them. i honestly dont know what i was expecting from people. im just a useless waste of oxygen that no one wants. why am i getting my hopes up thinking that ill matter to someone someday. its never gonna fucking happen, so why do i keep thinking that it will. once we get out of school, everyone's just gonna part ways and im never gonna see any of them again and then ill be left by myself. the people that i care about so god damn much in ways that they'd never even imagine, are gonna disappear just like that without a second thought. i dont wanna be alone but i guess i dont really have a choice, do i? might as well get used to being alone while im at it. then maybe it wont hurt as bad when i get left behind

• Published May 06, 2019, 18:04
• in Kiddie Pool
• in 7) vents/rants/screaming about shit
• is not continuable by others
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