oh holy shit ok
wow it took me 4-5 months to finally LEGIT realize/understand why venting about ur relationship to your friends (old ones and new ones) is bad for both you and your relationship dear fucking god im dense. most of my friends seem to now be biased, so whenever i would vent to them to try and relieve myself of my pent up frustrations and anger and sadness about my relationship(s)(both romantic relationships, and just normal everyday friend ones.) bc theyre biased they seem to think "oh uwu its okay goat theyre bad :) ur allll good its okay to vent to your friends about your anger and issues :) youre in the right uwu" bc everytime i would vent i would end up saying "shit i probably shouldnt vent about this, venting usually gets me in trouble because i either say something i dont mean due to how frustrated and how much i want to just scream and say shit i dont legit mean, or people leak it/my partner gets mad." but they would constantly re-assure me that it was fine to vent publicly and privately in dms with them, and they'd say shit like "uwu you cant vent if you want to/need to, and if anyone gets mad at you theyre bad people!!" NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT BC WHEN I GET ANGRY, SINCE I DONT WANT TO HURT MY S/O BY RAGING AT THEM I WOULD GO TO MY FRIEND(s) AND RAGE IN THEIR DMS INSTEAD AND THEY"D FEED ME BULLSHIT ABOUT HOW "uwu he dont lov u it okay 2 vent" which would hurt my s/o fucking aNYWAYS he does love me yourej ust f ak e and biased i think? FUCK idk. and when people say the same shit over and over and over and over it gets stuck in my head and i begin to believe their lies for a bit, and then i doubt them then i doubt myself then i doubt my s/o and just everything in general until i have another stupid "aha" moment where i realize that people are feeding me bullshit (for example, this post is basically a stupid fucking "aha" moment) and i continue to feed off of it unknowingly because i keep getting re-assured that its okay to believe what theyre saying theyre right im wrong hes wrong shes wrong BLAH LBAH BLAH. and when i think "oh i wont trust them anymore dw boyfriend" i always end up believing them again andthe stupid fucking cycle continues. i want it to end but i dont want to just not be ablet o vent to anyone at any timme because im the type of person who craves to be fucking listened to, even in the heat of the moment (if im arguing with my s/o or someone else). in the heat of the moment i get frustrated when the person im arguing with either makes excuses or just doesnt fucking listen to me so i take what i want to say/get out elsewhere. and the cycle starts all over again
- Published August 26, 2020, 09:57
- in Kiddie Pool
- in album Featured
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