Here
i am again
in the school bathroom
crying to myself
all because of my stupid brain
why cant i just be "normal"
I just want to be able to actually feel good about myself
I want to be able to go to school on time without having any emotional problems
I want to have a parent that says "yes daughter, you can stay home because you are having a horrible dysphoria episode and also a big boom of emotions" instead of "[Dead name] Get In the Fucking Car right now I dont care about your mental health get in the car NOW."[Yes, words she actually said]
I want to be understood by my own parent and have her at the very least feel sympathy but how can I do that when she is constantly yelling at me telling me "you were so much better than this", "be better" and other shit like that.
I just need a break from the world thats longer than 2 days because I cannot stop crying
ALSO ONE MORE THING ABOUT MY MOM: She had diagnosed depression and thinks that she is going through what I am going through and thinks it that easy to get out of it because it only took her like 4 months to get out of that mindset but here's the thing, I'm not her, I have anxiety, dysphoria, Impostor syndrome, and a HIgh likelihood of depression, and I don't think my mom feels like she is a fraud and she feels like she is going to die with a beard and the constant feeling of I cant bring myself to anything or be in public because I feel everybody will judge me for everything I do, I dont think she gets the feeling of fear and anxiety that happens when somebody looks at you, I almost want to cry when somebody I dont know looks at me when I do something I fucking hate it and I want it to end, but I really do have a feeling she doesnt understand jack squat about me
- Published May 11, 2022, 11:47
- in The Swamp
- in vents/rambles
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