gouges my eyes out lol (HUGE TW !!)
god i hate her so fucking much and I'm just so tired of her taking everything away from me and blatantly telling me she does not give a shit about me or my future, shes done trying to help me. sorry I'm focusing on my interests???? its the little joy and stability i have left. its the first time I've been happy in a long time. but that's not fucking allowed, is it ?? no. you nitpick what and when i eat, what i do every hour of every day, what i wear, who i talk to, what i say. everything is a fucking judgment and nothing is ever good enough. I'm a fat, stupid, ugly, retarded whore and you hate me. sometimes i wish you would just fucking hit me so i could leave. you're the fucking reason i cant envision my own goddamn future. with you breathing down my neck it feels like the humid, stagnant air of my own personal hell. each day i put up with your shit. each day i try to be okay. I'm developing worse delusions and insomnia. i don't eat much. i don't really talk to people. I'm not healthy. and you don't care because my grades arent good. you only care about what i eat when its too much, never when its too little. i cant have anorexia !!! I'm fat !!! I'm OBVIOUSLY self diagnosing !!!!! its totally not like i have had multiple therapists say i have it !!! nope !! you're also the reason i don't have autism on my official transcripts because u would literally not believe it and say i was faking it bc uve met autistic people and I'm apparently not autistic. YOURE NOT AUTISTIC. you have adhd and think you're so fucking special and cute and a little gemstone. you're 51. you're not a little baby anymore. stop pretending you are. i have been forced since i was a child to take care of you. i understand you have trauma, but so do i. and you're the main reason why. i fucking hate you. i hate you so much. you're the reason I'm not planning for college. the reason i make suicide jokes to lessen the ghostly pressure of the earth sinking me in. i don't care about grades or a job or anything. i only care about the moment. when I'm eighteen its all gonna be over. have fun with that !!! <3
