Vent
Quick aside, this looks a bit unpolished because I'm sick of working on it. Now for the vent, I've been feeling extremely alone in a much more abstract way recently. I have people I can talk to but I just haven't and I wish I could get myself to but reaching out feels so daunting. Whenever I talk to my friends it is nothing but filler fluff and I don't think I could get myself to confide in anyone. To me, it just isn't who I've been around these people and having such a tonal shift seems like it wouldn't help. I don't feel like I'll be remembered. It doesn't feel like anyone normally listens when I speak and it doesn't feel like people interact with what I do. I don't feel real and I've been dealing with the fog recently so that certainly doesn't help. Being unable to remember what day it is while feeling like people don't care really adds to that difficult mental space I've found myself in so often recently. I've been unable to notice what I do well because I can't work a way to think positively of myself even if to do so would be extremely absurd. I have begun to think that nothing could be enough. I can't stay happy. Either it's mania or a fleeting laugh but it always ends with a unprecedented low. In a world where I could do so much I do nothing and it feels like failing. I've had to think this over a few times if any bit of it doesn't make sense I'm going to maim no one in particular in a video game. Thank you for listening.
